Game - Tell me a joke

TinyArtist

A man died and went to Heaven. St Peter says to him “Before you meet with God, I should tell you ,we’ve looked over your life, and to be honest you really didn’t do anything particularly good or bad. We’re not really sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?” The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied, “Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a little old lady who was being harassed by a group of thugs. So I pulled over and went up to the leader of the thugs. He was a big, muscular guy with a ring pierced through his lip. Well, I tore the ring out of his lip, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering this lady or they would have to deal with me!” “Wow that’s impressive, “When did this happen?” “About three minutes ago,” came the reply.

TinyArtist

Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. She replies, "No". Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?" She replies, "No." Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school." After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?" His mom says "No." He asks, "Do you know what I think?" His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?" He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."

TinyArtist

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”

They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”

TinyArtist

A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket.
The husband picks up a case of beer and puts it in their cart.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.

"They're on sale, only $20 for 24 cans" he replies.

"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife.

They carry on shopping. A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a
$40 jar of face Cream and puts it in the basket.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.

"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.

Her husband retorts, "So does 24 cans of beer, and it's half the price."

TinyArtist

A blonde goes on holiday and is booking into the guest house. Looking around reception she notices a sign on the wall.

She asks the owner, "What time do you get in?"


The owner looks confused and says, "Well, I'm the owner, I live here. Why do you ask?"


The blonde says, "Well, on that sign there it says that guests have to be in before you! "


The owner replies, "No, it actually says, 'Guests must be in before 1 am’."

TinyArtist

At a wedding ceremony the pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom, as it was their time to stand up and talk, or forever hold their peace.

The moment of utter silence was broken by a young beautiful woman carrying a child. She started walking toward the pastor slowly. Everything quickly turned to chaos.

The bride slapped the groom. The groom's mother fainted. The groomsmen started giving each other looks and wondering how best to help save the situation.

The pastor asked the woman, "Can you tell us why you came forward?".

The woman replied, "We can't hear at the back."

TinyArtist

An Englishman, Irishman, Welshman, Scotsman were captured while fighting in a far-off foreign land, and the leader of the captors said, 'We're going to line you up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all in turn. But first, you each can make a final wish.'

The Englishman responds, 'I'd like to hear "God Save The Queen" just one more time to remind me of the auld country, played by the London All Boys Choir. With Morris Dancers Dancing to the tune.'

The Irishman replies, 'I'd like to hear "Danny Boy" just one more time to remind me of the auld country, sung in the style of Daniel O'Donnell, with Riverdance dancers skipping gaily to the tune.'

The Welshman answers, 'I'd like to hear "Men Of Harlech" just one more time to remind me of the country, sung as if by the Treorchy Male Voice Choir.'

The Scotsman says quickly, 'I'd like to be shot first.'

TinyArtist

Little Indian boy to his Dad

"Father, can I ask you why we in this tribe are named as we are...why is my sister named Drifting Cloud and my Brother Chasing Wolf?"

"Ah, that is very simple my son, it is the long held tradition of this tribe that after the Mother has given birth to the infant, when the Father leaves the teepee he shall so name the offspring after the first thing he sees, so when your sister was born, I peered out of the tepee and the first thing I saw was this beautiful cloud drifting over the mountains, hence her name.

Likewise when your Brother was born, on leaving the tepee I saw a handsome beast of a wolf in pursuit of an Antelope"

" tell me, why do you ask, Two Dogs Shagging?"

TinyArtist

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went camping in the country, In the middle of the night Holmes nudged Watson awake and said, "Watson, what thought comes to you as you look up at the night sky?"

Watson said, "Well, Holmes, I see the thousands of stars that cover the heavens and bear witness to the magnificence of God's creation, and I realise how small and insignificant we are, and yet the fact that God is still mindful of us fills me with wonder. What thought comes to you?"

And Holmes replied, "That someone has stolen our tent!"

TinyArtist

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, with the sweetest little lisp you can imagine, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, thir, do you have any widdle wabbits?"

The shopkeeper's heart is melted by this delightful young girl and he gets down on one knee to speak to her properly. "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit, or perhapth one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"

She looks across at the choice, blushes shyly, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees and leans forward before saying in a quiet voice. "I don't think my python will really give a thit."