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Author: TinyArtist

Game - Tell me a joke

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 Author| Post time 2025-06-26 17:48:04 | Show all posts
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a southerner, a New Englander, and a Californian) an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovakian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Kyrgyzstani, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 47 Africans walk up to a nightclub.

The doorman scrutinizes the group one by one and stops their entrance saying,

"Sorry, you can't come in here without a Thai. "
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 Author| Post time 2025-06-26 17:51:13 | Show all posts
A wife being the romantic sort sent her husband a text " If you are sleeping send me your dreams. If you are laughing send me your smile. If you are eating send me a bite. If you are drinking send me a sip. If you are crying send me your tears. I love you!"

The husband, typically un-romantic, replied " I am on the toilet. Please advise."
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 Author| Post time 2025-06-26 17:56:13 | Show all posts
Patrick and Michael were the best of friends. One day they decided to go bicycling, but when they got to the rental shop, all that was left was a tandem. They decided to take it anyway, and Patrick got on in front. They rode for a while down the scenic country roads until they came to a steep hill.

They stopped and looked up. “Begorrah, that’s the tallest hill In all Ireland!” exclaimed Patrick. “It is, so it is” replied Michael “We’ll have our work cut out for us, sure.” And so they started up the hill, each pedalling as hard as he could. Soon the sweat was pouring off and they were gasping for breath. “Faith, this is a steep hill” gasped Patrick. “It is, so it is” exclaimed Michael, and they pedaled even harder.

At last they reached the top, and stopped to catch their breath. “Saints preserve us, that was the steepest, tallest and hardest hill in all Ireland!” said Patrick. “It was, so it was” said Michael. “and if I hadn’t kept the brakes on we’d have rolled right back down!”

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 Author| Post time 2025-06-26 17:57:04 | Show all posts
Two Leprechauns knocked on a convent door. When the Mother Superior opened the door, the Chief Leprechaun asked "Mother Superior, do ye have any Leprechaun Nuns in this convent?"

Mother Superior answered "No, I don't have any Leprechaun Nuns in my Convent."

The Chief Leprechaun asked "Mother Superior, are there any Leprechaun Nuns in any other Convent in Ireland then?"

Mother Superior answered "No, there aren't any Leprechaun Nuns in any other Convent in Ireland either."

The Chief Leprechaun asked "Mother Superior, what about any other Convent anywhere in the world?"

Mother Superior answered "No, on my authority we have no Leprechaun Nuns in any Convent anywhere in the world."

And with that, the Chief Leprechaun turned and swatted the other Leprechaun over the head and exclaimed "Ye hear that ye idjit! I told ye that it was a penguin ye slept with!"
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 Author| Post time 2025-06-26 17:58:22 | Show all posts
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket,smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for One week and do anything you want."

Again, the engineer took the frog out,smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking Frog?

now that's cool."
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 Author| Post time 2025-06-26 17:59:39 | Show all posts
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, and announced

"Twenty-one feet, six inches," and walked away.

One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
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 Author| Post time 2025-06-26 18:00:25 | Show all posts
Went to my sons house.

Bit bored. Got up out of the sitting room chair and into the kitchen to see him.

"Have you got a newspaper?"

"Newspaper? get modern Dad, we get the news online nowadays!" and he handed me his tablet.

Later on he came in asked me what I thought about using the tablet.

"It's really good! I tell you that fly didn't stand a chance!"
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 Author| Post time 2025-06-26 18:01:55 | Show all posts
A rich playboy had so many girlfriends that he hadn't enough time to entertain them all. So he made a research lab an offer they couldn't refuse and got them to clone him in order to balance the load.

However the cloning technique hadn't been perfected, causing the clone to suffer from Tourette's Syndrome. By and by the clone's obscenities caused the girlfriends to run away. Eventually the playboy decided something had to be done, so he took the clone to a remote part of the Grand Canyon and pushed him over a cliff.

He thought he'd got away with it, but shortly after the police arrested him for making an obscene clone fall.
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 Author| Post time 2025-06-26 18:02:41 | Show all posts
A dumb man went ice fishing. He'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, he made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning his comfy stool, he started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"


Startled, the dumb man moved further down the ice, swigged down a beer, and began to cut yet another hole. Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"


The dumb man, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, swigged down another beer, and tried again to cut his hole. The voice came once more: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"


He stopped, looked skyward, and said, " Is that you, Lord?"


The voice replied, "No, I'm the Ice-Rink Manager!"
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 Author| Post time 2025-06-26 18:05:37 | Show all posts
Jimmy and Jack were twins, but they weren't identical - far from it. They looked like the before and after photos in those old body-building adverts. Jimmy was a skinny thing, while Jack was well-built and muscular. As a result, Jack seemed to attract women without making an effort - everywhere he went they would cluster round him, while poor Jimmy struggled and even when women approached him - usually because he was standing next to Jack - he found it difficult to talk to them.

However the two were the best of friends and Jack always did his best to help Jimmy out, though it was rarely successful. One day the two planned to go to the beach. Jack knew that as soon as he stepped onto the sands, wearing his swimming trunks, the women would come flocking and hopefully Jimmy would benefit from the overflow, so to speak. Unfortunately as they were about to set off something cropped up and Jack found he had some business to take care of first. He said to Jimmy, "You go on ahead and I'll meet you there. But in the meantime we need to do something to give you an advantage. That skinny body is what's holding you back. We can't give you muscles but we can make you look a bit more of a stud - get a potato and pop it down your swimming trunks and you'll look a bit more macho."

Jimmy set off and Jack took care of his business, then headed for the beach to find his brother. It didn't take long: though the beach was crowded there was a large circular gap at one point, as if people were trying to keep away from some unpleasant object. Right at the centre sat Jimmy, looking miserable. He got to his feet as Jack approached.

"This is all your fault," he said. "I did what you told me - I got a potato and stuck it down my swimming trunks, but as soon as I came out of the changing rooms people started screaming and running away. You said it would attract the girls but nobody will come within twenty yards of me!"

"I'm not surprised," said Jack. "You were supposed to put the potato down the front of your trunks!"
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2025-10-13 21:11 GMT+8

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